WARNING!!!

stay away from this recipe! don't let the cute picture fool you. do NOT prepare this for your loved ones, under any circumstances. unless you like extremely bland chicken with a "thai" sauce that only tastes like peanut butter. and then you think, "oh, i'll just add more soy sauce. that should help matters." but it doesn't. you just end up with a big bowl of brown goo that looks like something the cat just barfed up. they try to hide the sauce in the picture, see that? ugh. all you can do to salvage your evening is dump it down the drain and just eat the chicken with hot sauce and ranch dressing. then wash it down with a beer like i did. seriously, i would sooner eat stuff from this cookbook than make that slop again.

in other food news:

stop going to the gym and starve yourself instead. at least it's cheaper.

these are the most pesticide-laden vegetables.

and definitely don't buy any vegetables at this wal-mart.

name that candy bar!

also he's a ninja!

i need some help with this one---i knew every 80's sitcom referenced except the first one with the fork in the tv dinner. it is totally familiar to me, but i can't quite place what it is!

"ruhhr-juhhrr"

i woke up this morning with the chorus of "day old blues" by kings of leon in my head, and it just won't go away! not that it's a bad thing...

go justin theroux! woo! i do enjoy that justin theroux.

here's some good bowie stuff to groove on this morning. i am all about bowie right now.

holy crap! i don't care how old they are and how hideous robert plant looks, i am THERE. so, so very there.

"blades of glory" pics! i really can't wait for this one.

the origins of "the rural juror." that show is funny as hell.

flameing sowerd of darkness.

top 10 reasons not to eat tuna, courtesy of PETA. aww, i kinda like tuna...

eurobad '74.

1979 sears wishbook. i know i've posted this link before, but it is just so wonderful that it deserves a second looksie.

and finally, more 80's videos than you'll know what to do with.

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

also: related? (the man must've been high when he wrote this stuff!)

check out my big fat blob of a cat.

but i love her just the same...

david caruso - king of the one-liners

...and putting his sunglasses on. funny.

colbert on o'reilly / o'reilly on colbert

dwight's back, bitches!

i knew he wouldn't be gone for long. good "office" last night...we are now that much closer for jim and pam to admit their undying love for one another. karen will probably leave now. GOOD! i mean, y'know, she's fine for a party-pooper and all, but we all know this just needs to happen for jim and pam; it has been dragged out long enough. i'm assuming that andy (the awesome ed helms) will be outta there soon...which kinda sucks, because he is just SO GREAT at being SO ANNOYING. he makes michael look like a totally normal person, which is no easy feat. i hope that "rockin' robin" ringtone pops up somewhere. i must have it! oh, and did you catch john waters on "earl?"

in other john waters news...

mondo cookie monster!

don't throw away all those mix tapes you made in the 80's & 90's just yet!

exploitation movie radio ads.

"americal idol" myspaces. i wonder if the forest creature with the massive eyes has a page?

if a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't i paint you?

37 fads that swept the nation. um, where's the pet rock?

album art quiz. i got 18 before i gave up. :/ be warned: some of these are impossbile, unless you are an obscure 70's british prog-rock afficionado.

just what we all need: 5 ideas for stressful living.

best. headline. EVER!

this one's for rachel: hardy boys bubblegum cards!

telly savalas singing "if" by bread. i used to have this on my ipod, believe it or not.

and finally...

ryan seacrest, come out of the closet already!

here i am, watching the e! golden globes red carpet action while chowing down on a boca burger and some steak fries. john stamos just made a comment that ryan needs to stop hitting on him. ha. in straight guy news, that cutie-pie zach braff was just on, being funny and, well, cute. and now we have david spade. who is not so much of a cutie-pie, but i guess like him fine. i'll throw in some links while i'm listening to these people drone on about how important they are and who they are wearing.

mugshots as art.

ab fab's coming back!! this is smashing news, sweetie-dahhling!

oooh, there's rainn wilson!! i hope they talk to him on the red carpet. i bet he'll act really creepy in front of ryan seacrest. at least i'm hoping so.

this chick saw "inland empire" last night!

and seriously. how awesome does "blades of glory" look?!

where are they now?

oop, there's aaron eckhart, who was the guest when i went to see "the daily show" a few years back. he was a *total* ass and very likely on drugs. it was so weird (especially since no one knew who he was at the time). jon stewart was like, "WTF was up with that guy?!?"

and now we have the little girl and the guy who didn't talk from "little miss sunshine," which was a great, great movie. ryan just asked the little girl if she was excited about brad and angelina coming to the show. she was like, "um, look at my cool purse! there's a mirror in it!" hahaha. OOOOH, michael c. hall! the stupid e! chick just said that he was on "c.s.i." what an idiot. i hope he cuts her into a million pieces and keeps a sample of her blood in the air conditioner! anyway, moving on:

how to safely swim with piranhas.

what it means to fight piranhas.

behold: the hydra.

ok, clearly i am not the "liveblogging" type. i'm over this already. but before i go...

muffins!

R.I.P.

i loved her when i was little.

signs of the apocalypse?

dead birds are showing up everywhere, there's a sulfur-like stench in nyc, and now drew and fab break up? oh, hell no.

and on a lighter note...

it's okay to laugh. sneaky pete would've wanted it that way.

R.I.P. sneaky pete

he's flying in that big burrito in the sky. :(

(that's me in my favorite shirt. i wear it all the time. yep. i even wore it to the closing of our house, because i am ONE CLASSY CHICK.)

this looks like "vómito"

the history of dwight k. schrute's new year's resolutions

January 04, 05:33 PM

Dear World Wide Readership

Best wishes and Happy New Year from all of us at Dunder Mifflin Paper Products and Schrute Farms! (Note the exclamation point! I really mean it!!)

Before I speak to you about my new years resolutions for ‘07’, let’s go over some past resolutions and their current status.

‘99 – quit biting fingernails.Outcome? Done. On it. Haven’t chewed them since. Ever. Not one nibble. Even when I get a hangnail.

’00 – increase farm productivity by 18%. Outcome? Schrute Farms had a record harvest that year surpassing ’99 by over 21%. Home run.

’01 – increase farm productivity by additional 4%. Outcome? Not achieved. Profits increased by 7% but productivity when down by 2.5 %. It was a very dark time. Things got kind of ugly. (This was the year Mose gave up his moto-cross dream and hunkered down and committed to doing some serious beet farmin’.)

’02 – be more social. This was the year I got into online gaming. Also began 4 year championship laser tag run. Went on more than 3 dates. Spruced up wardrobe. Switched deodorant to the kind that the sailors use.

’03 - write and record my songs and music. Outcome? Not necessary. Decided against it. Waste of time. Songs are for children and inmates. Switched resolution to increase farm productivity by additional 3%. Achieved new resolution.

’04 – find mate. Outcome? Dated more than 2 different women during this calendar year. Kissed approximately one of them on the mouth.
Increased sales, was voted top salesman by Dunder Mifflin, won first ‘Dundie’ Award ™, increased farm productivity by 2.7%, asked for and received raise, spent Christmas with Michael Scott, took Mose to the international harvester exposition (and Indian casino), moved up to a daily regimen of 27 pushups and 85 situps.

Did not achieve goal of finding mate.

Am OK with that.

’05 – Can’t remember what I resolved to do. These pages in my diary are covered in chocolate milk.

’06 – Become top regional salesperson third year running and achieve ‘assistant regional manager’ status. Done and done. Also found potential mate. Also vanquished Jim. Purchased spud gun. Learned Klingon. Personally saved Scranton branch from being downsized.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Drum-roll please….

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….

Dwight Schrute’s New Years Resolution ‘07

I, Dwight Schrute, resolve, in the year 2007, to display more wisdom and benelovence to my inferiors.

It is said, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Well I say, keep everyone as close as possible to you because you don’t know who is your friend or your enemy. Keep the people below you even closer if that’s possible. Even if they have to be inside you.

Remember: they work for you. They must respect you. If you can fool them into thinking that you really care, you can get them to do anything for you. Even kill if necessary.

Now I’m not saying I want Ryan or Kevin to kill a competitor or Andy or anything, but it would be nice to know that they would if I asked them to.

What are your new years resolutions. You can reply by clicking on something below.

That is all.

Dwight K. Schrute

(courtesy of schrute-space)

haim.

new year's par-tay!